Emma's Secret Read online

  Megan seethed inside. How could he discount so quickly what she’d just said?

  “She heard me when I called her Emmie.”

  The look on Peter’s face said it all: disbelief, anger, confusion. His gaze shot from one corner of the room to another before resting back on her. She caught the way his fingers turned white as he clutched the coffee mug. Good. Maybe now he understood. Maybe now he would listen to her.

  “You what?” His voice lowered about ten decibels, the anger she’d read on his face clear in his tone. No, he didn’t understand.

  “I wanted to see. I called her name a few times and didn’t get a response. So I called her Emmie.” Megan toyed with her coffee cup, turning it in circles. “That’s all it took, for her to hear her old name. It scared me.”

  Peter’s brows shot up. “Scared you? What do you think you did to her? How do you think she must have felt to realize you called her by that other name?” Peter stood, his chair scraping along the floor again as he pushed it back.

  “What is wrong with you? What will it take for you to be happy?”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  August 5

  I burned the bread again today. I never do that. It’s the second time this week. Such a waste.

  I laid Emmie down for her nap and fell asleep with her again. She doesn’t like to take many naps; sometimes I have to read her more stories than I prefer before she’ll settle down. Today I had to threaten to turn off her fairy lights if she didn’t fall asleep.

  Jack brought her home some balloons today. I made him use the tire pump we used to use for Mary’s bike. I swear, that man is so stubborn sometimes. What does it matter if he blows up the balloons with his lips or with a pump? She has this fascination with red balloons—says they look better in the sky. For a girl who prefers pink, yellow, and white, I would never have thought she’d want only red balloons. Good thing the bag had plenty of red ones; otherwise, knowing him, he’d have gone back into town to buy more.

  Jack commented that I’ve been more tired lately, so he made an appointment with Dr. Stewart. Meddlesome old fool, but he won’t listen to me. I’ve always been healthier than I should be for my age. Perhaps raising a child is catching up to me. There are times I don’t understand how Mary could do this to me—have a child and never tell me, her mother. Emmie is a sweet girl, so I know Mary did something right despite her addiction, but that child of mine never thought of the consequences. She never did. It was her one big fault.

  I blame myself. Mary always blamed me too.

  Peter leaned against the doorway into the living room. He could never get enough of the image before him: their family complete again after so much time. He choked up and softly cleared his throat, not wishing to disturb the scene.

  A movie played while Hannah sat on a beanbag chair, her back against the couch and her long legs stretched out in front of her. She was going to be tall; he could see it. Alexis was sprawled on the couch, her back against the corner of the sectional with her legs crossed and a large bowl of popcorn in her lap. Emma sat in Peter’s favorite chair, the drawing pad he’d bought her last week against her bent knees. Her tongue was stuck out, a sure sign of concentration. Every so often, she’d reach down with her free hand and grab a piece of popcorn from a bowl beside her. Not once did he catch her watching the movie.

  That didn’t surprise him, though. From what he understood, she didn’t watch a lot of television at the farm. They sheltered her, and a part of him was thankful for that. She remained a sweet little girl, full of innocence and love.

  She must have noticed him watching her. She lifted her gaze, her soulful eyes measuring him—something he’d noticed her doing lately. It was unnerving. What did his five-year-old see in him? Did he measure up? Somehow, he didn’t think so.

  “Come sit beside me, Dad.” Alexis moved her legs to make room. Peter smiled at Emma, who watched as he crossed the room. Hannah stuck her hand out for a high five. He went to smack her hand, but she quickly lowered it in a fit of giggles.

  “Hey, no fair,” he teased her before pretending to sit on Alex. They had a mini tickle fight without spilling the popcorn before Peter repositioned her legs over his. He nudged Hannah with his foot until a slight smile appeared.

  “So what are we watching?”

  Alexis sighed before pointing to the screen. “A movie about a dragon, duh.” The sarcasm in her voice was overwhelming. Typical Alexis.

  “Haven’t we already seen this?”

  “Only like a thousand times. But there’s nothing else on,” Hannah muttered.

  Peter reached into the popcorn bowl and flicked a piece at Hannah’s head. She ducked, but it was Emma’s quiet laughter that caught his attention. He flicked one at her, but before she could duck, Daisy jumped up and caught it in her mouth.

  “No way.” Peter laughed. “Who’s been teaching Daisy tricks?”

  A light sparkled in Emma’s eyes. She leaned over the arm of the chair and scratched Daisy’s head. “Hannah’s a good teacher,” she said.

  Peter nudged Hannah again with his foot. “Hannah’s a great big sister.” A sense of peace he hadn’t felt in a long time settled in his heart as Hannah flushed with pleasure.

  If he could freeze time, it would be this exact moment, with his children happy and himself at peace. The only thing missing was Megan.

  “When’s Mommy gonna be home?” Emma asked, almost as if she knew what he was thinking and missed her too.

  “Never. She ran away,” Alexis pouted. Emma’s eyes widened in fear, and Peter gave Alexis a stern look.

  “She didn’t run away,” he said soothingly to Emma. “She went out.” He focused on Alexis and waited for her to look up. “Why would you say something like that?”

  Alexis shook her head. “’Cause she always goes out at night without us.”

  Peter sighed. “That’s not true. Your mother rarely goes out anymore and when she does, it’s usually grocery shopping. You know that.”

  Alexis grunted. “She just doesn’t want to spend time with us.”

  “What?” Was he missing something? Megan loved being home with the kids. School was out, her Safe Walks program was on break, the kids weren’t in sports, and she was excited to have the summer to reconnect with Emma. So why did it bother them so much that she was gone now?

  “We never spend time as a family anymore.” Alexis raised her face and stared defiantly into his eyes.

  Peter shook his head. That didn’t make sense. “We’re spending family time now.”

  “No, we’re not. Mommy’s not here.”

  Peter cocked his head and looked at his daughters. This had really upset them. Emma buried her head back into her drawing; she wouldn’t look up. Alexis’s shoulders were pushed back and her chin up high. This was his fighter. But there was nothing to challenge, nothing to fight over. The look in Hannah’s eyes was sad, downcast, and defeated.

  Did they honestly think that Megan didn’t want to spend time with them? That she couldn’t wait to go out in the evenings? He could count on one hand the times Megan had gone out alone since Emma’s return. Where did this come from?

  He put his hand on Hannah’s shoulder and wrapped his arm around Alexis, drawing her close.

  “Listen to me. Everything your mother has always wanted is right here in this room. Her family. That’s you”—he nodded to Alexis—“and you”—then to Hannah—“and you, little monkey sitting in my favorite chair.” Emma glanced up, her eyes wide. “The only thing that matters to your mom is her family. Nothing else.”

  “Are you sure about that? I heard her tell you she needed time to herself tonight.” Alexis taunted him.

  He had to give her that. Megan did say that before she left. He’d even agreed with her. He didn’t know what was wrong with her or where her head was at but maybe some time alone, to think about how ridiculous her earlier claims were, would be good for her. He nodded.

  “She did, didn’t she. And that’s allowed. Just like when you
go up to your room for some quiet time and listen to your music. It’s the same for Mom.” Peter slowly removed his hand from Hannah’s shoulder and laid it on his leg, inches away from Alexis’s bare foot. “Right, kiddo?” He started to tickle her foot and waited for her belly-wrenching laughter.

  Alexis tried to yank her foot out of his grasp, but it was pointless. He continued to tickle, and once she started to laugh, the stress in the room dissolved. Daisy started to jump and bark and Emma even laughed a little. Peter memorized the welcome sound as Hannah rose up on her knees and reached for Alexis’s other foot.

  Yes, to hear all three of his girls laughing together, this was heaven on earth.

  As soon as she could, Megan had escaped from the house, away from her husband and her fears, and drove to the pier. She didn’t blame him, though; she wasn’t sure she understood it herself. Why did it bother her so much that Emma wouldn’t respond to her name in the same way she responded to that other name? Why was she so sensitive to this?

  Was Peter right? Was she just looking for a reason not to be happy? Why couldn’t she just accept life as it happened and stop trying to control it?

  Megan parked by the old pier and walked along the rugged path. Once she reached the end, she dangled her legs over the water and drank in the stillness. She gazed at the lake, mesmerized by the gentle swells and the way the seagulls dipped down into the water. She breathed deeply, trying to force the calm of the scene before her into her body, but it wasn’t working.

  She wished she were as free as the birds above her, without the stress she heaped upon herself. Emma was home. Her family was healing. Why couldn’t she be happy? Because she wanted more. The hope she felt from her morning dream lingered. There had to be more for her, for them.

  Earlier she had confessed to Peter that the incident with Emma had scared her. Without asking why, he turned it around and accused her of doing the same thing to their daughter. But he never asked her why she was scared, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit the answer.

  What she needed was a fresh perspective. Someone to help her understand her doubts and worries. And she knew exactly where to go.

  Megan climbed to her feet and headed back toward her vehicle. Something was wrong, but she wasn’t sure if it was with her or her daughter.

  Megan pushed open the door to Dr. Kathy Graham’s office and glanced around the waiting area. The eight chairs were empty, as well as the coatrack. A small folded sign sat on top of the desk with “Please Be Seated” scrawled across it.

  She placed a coffee from the drive-thru on the desk and sat down in one of the chairs, clasping her purse tightly between her fingers. She prayed that coming here was the right decision.

  “I’ll be right with you,” Kathy, their family counselor, called out.

  Coming here was an impulsive decision made on the pier. Peter would never know.

  “Megan, come on in.” Kathy stood in the doorway, wearing a light-blue summer dress with her hair in a ponytail.

  “Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.” Megan grabbed the coffee she’d set down on the desk and offered it to Kathy.

  Buying Kathy a coffee for seeing her after hours was the least she could do. A tiny seed of doubt wormed its way through Megan. She should have taken the time to calm herself down instead of panicking over something as silly as Emma not responding to her name. It wasn’t a life-or-death situation. Just groundless fears.

  Megan followed Kathy into her office, and they both sat down in the leather armchairs. There was something about this office and the way it was decorated, as if it were a room in a friend’s house instead of a doctor’s office. This helped ease some of the tension in Megan’s shoulders. Off to the side, by the large bay windows, were framed drawings that had been made for Kathy. Megan immediately picked out the picture Emma had drawn during the first few weeks she’d been home. It was a picture of a little girl and a dog, sitting in a field with trees all around them. She had drawn large blue swirls indicating a brisk wind that wrapped itself around the little girl. Megan hated that picture even though Emma had been so proud of it and asked if Kathy could put it on her wall. She hated that Emma had felt so obviously alone and unsettled.

  Kathy crossed her legs and sipped her coffee while Megan sat straight in her chair.

  “What’s going on?” Kathy asked.

  Megan bit her lip as she searched for the right words. Words that wouldn’t make her sound crazy or ungrateful. Words that would convince Kathy that she wasn’t a bad mother for doubting her child.

  “I don’t think Emma is really my daughter,” Megan blurted out instead.

  She waited for Kathy’s reaction, for the confusion, the worry, and then the doubt that she knew she deserved. She steeled herself, knowing that she’d been foolish to come and admit her fears. Her grip tightened around her purse strap.

  “Why is that?”

  Megan was surprised to hear the sincerity in Kathy’s voice. She glanced up and saw the concern in Kathy’s gaze. She relaxed a little and set her purse on the floor.

  “I know it sounds odd and might not even make sense. But it’s things she says or remembers.”

  “What kinds of things? It’s possible she’s confusing early memories with those from living with Jack and Dorothy.”

  Megan shook her head. “Why would she respond to being called Emmie and not her real name? It’s not like the two names are completely different. Plus, I thought she would have been more settled and happier by now.” Megan sighed. Was it all her fault? Was she failing her daughter somehow?

  Kathy leaned on the armrest. “She still needs time, Megan. This could be Emma’s way of keeping the memory of that life alive.” Kathy gave a small smile. “Let’s talk about how she’s adjusting. Is she talking more?”

  “A bit. She offers more to a conversation now if she’s involved in some way. But…” Megan hesitated.

  “Is she talking about things from the farmhouse?”

  Maybe it was the way Kathy asked, or the tone of her voice when she asked it, but tears welled up in Megan’s eyes. All she could do was nod.

  “Remember, we talked about that. It’s completely normal—healthy even. She’s trying to find ways to involve herself with you. For her, sharing memories still fresh in her mind is one way of doing that. It’s good, Megan.” Kathy leaned forward. “Really, it’s a good sign. She’s engaging more.”

  Megan’s brow rose. “So am I being oversensitive? Am I making the whole name thing more than it is?”

  The way Kathy crossed her legs and took another sip of her coffee angered Megan. She wasn’t sure what it was—maybe it was how relaxed she appeared or the look in her eye, like she was only appeasing Megan.

  “Why would she respond to Emmie and not Emma?” she blurted out. That was the real question, the one that bothered her the most.

  Kathy cocked her head and reached for the pad of paper on the small table beside her. “Maybe she was responding to the first few letters of her name, the Em part. It’s possible that’s all she heard.”

  Megan shook her head. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She knotted her fingers together. “No. I called her name repeatedly, but she didn’t hear me. The moment I called her that other name, she did.”

  Kathy scribbled some notes down on her sheet, and Megan couldn’t help but wonder whether she was going to suggest that Megan go on some type of drug again. Just like before. She was not crazy. She knew something was wrong.

  “What was she doing before all this happened?”

  “Excuse me?”

  Kathy set her pad back down on the table and folded her hands together. “Was Emma in the middle of something when you called her name?”

  Megan recalled the quiet conversation she’d overheard between Emma and Daisy.

  “She was talking about how much she missed them. The others.”

  She didn’t tell Karen about the fairy lights. She didn’t need to. The way Emma’s eyes
lit up when Megan said she could have some in her room confirmed that had been the right thing to say.

  “Kathy, she’s been with us now long enough that she should remember what it was like to be part of our family. How much we loved her. I’ve done everything you suggested, and I’m very aware of when Emma’s had enough. I don’t force her to interact with us; I give her as much time as she needs while still accepting her feelings. But…” She hesitated, unwilling to say what she’d feared all along.

  Kathy waited.

  “It was as if she had been waiting all this time to be called Emmie again.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Peter stood at the back door and whistled. Where was that dog? He was ready to relax, maybe start a new book or watch a movie that didn’t contain animated creatures, but he couldn’t do that until everyone was tucked into bed, including Daisy. He had no idea what Megan was doing. How long did she need to take? He wasn’t upset—but a text or phone call would be nice.

  He’d already said good night to Hannah and Alexis, but Emma refused to sleep without Daisy, and that was a battle Peter wasn’t willing to fight. Megan was the one who did the kids’ night routine, so he wasn’t sure about Megan’s habits with Emma. But if having the dog by her side meant less hassle for him, he considered that a win-win situation.

  His phone vibrated in his pants pocket as Daisy scampered up onto the deck and sat, waiting for Peter to let her in. He pulled out the phone and absentmindedly opened the door for the dog.

  He expected it to be a text from Megan letting him know she was on her way home, so he was a bit surprised when he saw it was from Sam.

  Still up?

  His fingers danced over the keyboard on his phone as he followed Daisy through the house and up the stairs.

  Just putting kids to bed. What’s up?

  He stood at the top of the stairs and waited for Sam to respond. Something must be wrong for her to text him this late.

  Emma’s door was directly on his left. Peter glanced in and saw her lying on the floor beside her bed, coloring. On the other side of the hall was Alex’s room. She was sitting in her bed, earphones on, swaying to a song. She glanced up and waved at him. He held his hand up, fingers splayed. Five minutes, he mouthed to her. She nodded before blowing him a kiss. He reached out his hand, pretending to capture the kiss in his hand and holding it to his heart.