Chocolate Reality Read online

  Meet Joan, the one lady in our group who has a habit of talking rather quickly when she gets excited. And if you haven’t already figured it out, chocolate in any form gets her excited.

  As each woman grabs her box and coffee we head over to the café section of the store. I’ve made sure that I created this space with coziness in mind. It has the look of an outdoor café, but with the warmth of country cottage. Cushions on each seat, hand made tablecloths, and antique furniture to grace this little corner. Since this is an area where you sit and chat, many of my handmade items for sale in this area. From plaques, to stitchery designs, tattered pillows and quilts. Handmade dolls, candles, sheep of all sorts, quilts and fabric. So many wonderful ladies create these products, and it’s continually being updated with new product on a weekly basis. I firmly believe in showcasing these items. I know personally how much love and care goes into every single stitch and design.

  When Matt and I first opened Chocolate Blessings, we began with consignment items in the beginning, until I realized since so many of the ladies who sell here consider this to be their one source of income for themselves.

  Normally the first few minutes of each Thursday morning are spent pursuing all the new finds within this nook. After that, we would gather at the table, get comfy and delve right into each other’s lives. For the longest time, my life was the hot topic. Thankfully, no longer. This time it appears to be Tracey’s turn. As much as she is one of my closest friends, I take delight in having the focus set on her for a change.

  “So Tracey, how are the kids doing? Was Pastor Mike able to take a break from the church office and watch the little ones for you, or did you have to find a sitter?” Judy asked.

  Tracey was married to Pastor Mike Wells, the youth pastor in our church. They have been with us for the past 4 years now, and are loved by many. Tracey has three children and I used to envy her, until I took a few days off and helped around her home after the birth of her youngest. Now I just load her with chocolate every time I see her. Whoever said raising children was easy must have had a full time nanny.

  “Little Miles is starting to get the hang of crawling, which means Josiah has to clean up his toys more. Katy is having a bit of a hard time with school. Mike and I have talked about home school, but I honestly don’t think it’s something I could handle right now,” she admits with a sheepish grin.

  “Home school Tracey. Are you out of your mind?” I said.

  The glare Tracey sent my way made me bit my lip. “I said we were talking about it, not actually doing it. Mike has talked to a couple families in our church who home school, and they all claim that their children excel more at home. I just don’t know,” she sighed.

  I feel a kick on my shin and while I’m rubbing it, I see Pastor Joy give me a dirty look. I’m the one who should be handing out the dirty looks, it’s my shin that now hurts.

  “Tracey, would you mind if we brought this to the Lord in prayer? This is obviously something that weighs pretty heavily on your heart, and it’s the last thing you need to be worrying about right now,” asked Pastor Joy. She’s great in hearing what people have to say, and directing things to God.

  As Tracey nods her head in agreement, I notice Joan fiddling in her seat. She keeps twisting the surprise box in her hands. “Oh come on ladies, and let’s hurry and open our boxes so we can see what goodies lie inside. I’m sure the good Lord will understand the need to have a bit of heaven in our mouths before we begin.”

  Finally. “Please do. Heather made me promise not to peek inside the boxes, so I can’t wait to see what you have.” I said.

  “Well, we wouldn’t want Wynne to break her promise, now would we.” Judy said, a wide grin filling her face. As they all slowly open their surprise boxes, I lean in trying to peak.

  Inside the boxes, Heather has created a masterpiece. There’s a chocolate basket inside each box with tiny little chocolate forms inside each basket. Judy has a white chocolate basket filled with little chocolate apples. Pastor Joy has a milk chocolate basket filled with little Christmas tree shaped chocolates. Tracey has the same basket but with baby sheep forms and Joan has a dark chocolate basket filled with chocolate hearts. Heather has truly outdone herself.

  As each woman at the table savors her tiny piece of chocolate heaven, Pastor Joy brings out her Bible. We have been dealing with how we view ourselves as daughters of God. It’s been an interesting study to say the least. It’s one thing to actually say you are a child of God. It’s another thing to believe it. It’s all about how we view ourselves which then in turns reflects on how we think God views us. He loves us with unconditional love, but we’re the ones who feel there should be limits and boundaries to His love for us.

  My favorite one is in Psalms – “I will not die but live and proclaim what the Lord has done.” No matter what happens in my life, I will give God the glory. It was this scripture that helped me to hold my head high after the whole wedding fiasco.

  After our prayer at the end where we pray for Tracey, I gather up all the coffee cups and empty chocolate boxes. I hear the jingle of the doorbells ring, and briefly glance to see who has walked in. To my surprise it was Nancy Montgomery. The ban of my very existence. It’s very rare for Nancy comes into Chocolate Blessings.

  She blames me for running her son out of town.

  I pretend to not see her. Maybe that way she will not notice me and then hopefully leave. Past encounters have either left me in tears or made me want to scream. I don’t know how she does it, but she leaves me quaking in my very shoes.

  And to think once upon a time she was going to be my mother-in-law.

  Chapter 3

  “Mrs. Montgomery. So nice to see you. You came at just the right time. We have a new display, called our Sweet Surprise. Don’t you think the little boxes with bows are adorable. And just wait till you see what is inside – you won’t be able to resist.”

  Thank goodness for Lily. As she chatters with Nancy, I try to casually slink away.

  Unfortunately, neither slinking nor the chatter worked as a victorious diversion.

  “Yes, Lily, I will take one of those boxes, but first I must speak with Wynne. I know she has her little Bible study this morning, so she must be around,” Nancy said as she glances around the store.

  I know she will spot me any moment, so I stand up straight, grasp Judy’s hand for a quick moment of strength, and call out a greeting, which I hope doesn’t show my hesitation.

  “Good morning Nancy. You’ll love what you find in those mystery boxes. Is there anything I can help you with?” I ask as I’m silently congratulating myself for not allowing my voice to quiver.

  “Yes, actually there is. Lily, be a dear and ring up a few of those boxes, as well as one of those little gift cards that you have, and have it say Welcome Home. Also I want that white pitcher in the window display holding those lovely Gerbera flowers,” she demanded as she walks towards me.

  “Wynne, I have received some news this morning that I wanted to share with you. Jude is coming home today. His father is ill, and he is coming home to help with the business. Please leave him alone. Stay out of his way. My son has finally decided to return home, to where he belongs. You broke his heart once; he doesn’t need you to do it again. Stay away from my son.” The cold glean in her eye was enough to freeze hell over and beyond.

  My heart dropped to the floor. It skipped a beat before slowly rising.

  Ever since that fateful day when I wouldn’t walk down the aisle, Nancy has blamed me for her son leaving town three years ago. Never mind the fact that it was a mutual agreement not to get married and that it was his decision to move away. She adamantly declares that I broke her son’s heart. While I do agree with her, doesn’t she see that it hurt me too? I understand she’s hurt and feels abandoned by her only child, but why does she continually take it out on me?

  Nancy has a habit of giving me the cold shoulder whenever we meet in church. Very rarely does she come into my store, yet she al
ways seems to know what is happening in my life. Nancy and I had a close relationship once upon a time. Jude was a major part of my life for such a long time, and it just became natural to have a relationship with his mother. It was one thing to lose her presence in my life, but it is quite another thing to be treated as a stranger.

  I know the joy of the Lord is to be my strength, but in this instance, I don’t feel very strong. For three years I’ve had to pretend that the break up between Jude and I was mutual, that there were no hard feelings. When he decided to leave town, my heart broke. He is such a great guy, and I broke his heart. Not too many people know what really happened between us. We both agreed it was better that way.

  “Nancy, I am sorry to hear about your husband.You must be happy that Jude is coming home,” I give her a brief smile. “But Nancy, the only relationship between Jude and I is friendship. I haven’t seen him since he left, and although we’ve remained in touch here and there, that is all in the past. We’ve been over for a long time.”

  Do I really believe that though? Deep in my heart I know we weren’t meant for each other, but I still have feelings for him. Goodness – I almost married the guy, of course I’m still going to have feelings for him

  “That is good to hear Wynne. Just make sure you keep it that way,” Nancy said, as cold as the Ice Queen herself. Walking towards the front door, she stops, turns her head and drops her final piece of news. “Jude has moved on with his life. He’s even bringing a friend of his home with him for us to meet. He doesn’t need you in his life to complicate things.” The door slams, leaving me with no response.

  My body crumbles, my lungs shrink in size and I struggle for air. Thank goodness I haven’t moved away from the tables. I grasp onto the edge of the table, leaning on it while I sink to the floor. If my chair wasn’t under me, oh well. Tracy places her hand on my shoulder; Judy takes hold of my hands and gives them a squeeze. Joan says the one thing she knows I need to hear.

  “I think this is the perfect time for some more chocolate.”

  Pastor Joy comes over and gives me a brief hug. She leans down and whispers in my ear, “I need to leave for the office, but Wynne, please give me a call if you need me. You are a strong woman of God, and you can get through this. I know you.” She turned to whisper something to Judy before she walks away.

  Lily comes over with some chocolate in her hands. I absently take what she offers, briefly realizing that this is the chocolate I keep hidden away for emergencies. This only comes out in dire need. How does she know about my secret stash? I dismiss the thought as I savor the sweet decadence melting in my mouth. I’m just glad she knows about it.

  With a quick, “Lord, give me strength” prayer being uttered, I stand up and try to act as if nothing was said that should affect me in the way it has. It’s a façade, a mask that I try to place on but which never really works with this group of ladies. I give them all a quick smile.

  “I’m okay. It’s been a long three years. You ladies helped me pick up the pieces of my life and made me the woman I am today. I’m okay. I’m glad he’s been able to move on with his life. That’s the way it should be. And other than seeing him at church,” I shrug my shoulders, “I doubt I’ll come in much contact with him.” Do I really believe what I just said? My favorite saying will come into play right about now.

  “After all, with God and chocolate, I can get through anything.”

  *****

  After a busy day consisting of bible study, mystery boxes, out of the blue announcement along with the normal hustle and bustle that comes with running a shop, I’m wiped out. Since closing the store at 6 p.m., I haven’t been able to stop dreaming of a hot bubble bath. Three hours later, and I am just now walking through my front door, that dream will soon be reality. I have full intentions of ignoring the beeping and flashing light on my answering machine. I’m tired, drained and all I want is to soak in hot water, read a good book and go off to bed. Whoever wanted to talk to me could have called the shop if it was important enough. And since it wasn’t, it can wait until the morning.

  Those were my intentions. The water is running, bubbles have been added and the book has been selected. But of course, I have to check the phone. You just never know who could have called. It’s not like I’m expecting anyone from the past to mysteriously drop by, which I’m not, in case you’re wondering. I click the button and discover that I could have resisted the machine after all. It was only my mother.

  I love my mom, don’t get me wrong. But for the past three years she has been ‘concerned’ that her daughter has chosen the life of single hood rather than motherhood. Even though I live across town, only a fifteen minute drive from where I grew up, my mom has a tendency to crowd me. She doesn’t like the fact I live alone. She’s proud of me for opening my own store and the fact that it’s successful blows both her and dad away. But it’s not what she wanted for my life, and so she feels she needs to worry about me. It’s not like I plan on staying single for the rest of my life. It’s not my chosen way of living let me tell you.

  So with a sigh of exasperation, I listen to the message.

  “Wynne dear, this is mom (as if I don’t recognize her voice). Listen, I ran into Nancy Montgomery today. She told me the news. Jude is back in town. Isn’t that wonderful honey. You just haven’t been the same since he left town (no Mom, I’ve actually learned to be independent), and I know that you both have a lot to catch up on. Listen, I want to invite him over to dinner this week. He was, after all, part of our family for such a long time. Tell me what night is good for you, and I’ll make all the arrangements. Maybe you could even bring over one of those cakes you make to sell in your store? Hmmm? Okay, call me back. Love you.” Click.

  She has no idea. When it all had happened, I refused to talk about it with her or my father. I asked them to respect my privacy and my decision. And that’s how it’s been left. But to invite him to dinner? Knowing how emotionally hurt and physically drained I was when he left, she actually wants me to share one of my cakes with him? Nowhere in the bible does it say I have to share my chocolate cake with my enemies - only that I have to pray for them. I don’t share my chocolate with just anybody you know. This is where I draw the line. I shake my head as I head back to my bath. That was definitely a phone call I just didn’t need to hear.

  To me, having a bath is a luxury t one must never give up. To sink into the hot water, have it completely engulf you, well, as far as I’m concerned, it’s this side close to heaven. Add scented bubbles, candles all through the room, a cool drink to refresh yourself with and of course a little bit of chocolate to nibble on, it couldn’t get any better. It’s the one part of my daily routine that I refuse to give up. Having a hot bath is not only considered a way to pamper yourself, but it also helps you to fall asleep faster. Add a good book, and you’re off to far away places, distant lands and pure romance. That is, if your mind behaves itself and goes along with your plans.

  Tonight my mind and thoughts decided to rebel. All I could think about was that Jude is back in town. I find myself smiling and giving those little happy sighs when I thought of all the great memories we had. And then all of a sudden I would remember what occurred three years ago, and I would begin to feel anger. Anger that’s first directed towards God and then at myself. This was something I had already dealt with; it’s not supposed to hurt me anymore. I’ve laid it at the foot of the cross, and Jesus is supposed to hear all my hearts cries and rescue me. So why isn’t that happening? I won’t allow myself to dwell on my feelings towards God, after all, who can be mad at God? That’s just not allowed. But why now, when I am happy and contented with my life, does he have to come back and remind me of my past failures?

  We were just one of those couples who didn’t make it. It happens to a lot of people in relationships. Sometimes you are blessed to have that one deep love, and other times you have to settle for second best. We both decided not to settle. It would have been nice if we could have kept in touch, but I unde
rstand that it would have been difficult for him. Plus, from what I understood from Nancy, he’s already moved on with his life. That fact alone should make me happy for him. After all, we are all grown adults. Time has gone by, and while feelings might still be there, there’s no possibility of them being acted upon.

  My bath was ruined, I didn’t enjoy my small piece of chocolate and the book – I don’t think I got past the first page. I headed to the kitchen to heat water for some gourmet hot chocolate. While waiting for the water to boil, I quickly checked my email. Perhaps I should unplug the phone just incase mommy dearest decided to call back. I definitely am not in the mood for conversation with her tonight.

  After my computer loaded up and my email popped up, I made the mistake of clicking into my instant messenger. Up pops MM2CHOCQUEN (Mom to Chocolate Queen).

  MM2CHOCQUEN: Did you get my message?

  CHOCQUEEN: Yes.

  MM2CHOCQUEN: Why didn’t you call back?

  CHOCQUEEN: Was I supposed to?

  MM2CHOCQUEN: What date is good for dinner?

  CHOCQUEEN: I don’t want to do dinner Mom. Sorry

  MM2COCQUEN: I thought it was a great idea. To get you and Jude together?

  CHOCQUEEN: I don’t want to get together Mom. Please leave it alone.

  MM2COCQUEN: I don’t understand you. Why won’t you tell me what happened? It’s not too late you know.

  CHOCQUEEN: Yes, it is too late. Good night mom.

  I suppose if I had explained it all to my parents at the time when he left, this could have been avoided. But knowing my parents, they would have tried to fix the problem. This was just one problem that could not be fixed.

  With a sigh, I shut down my computer, fix my cup of hot chocolate and head to the living room where I plan to shut down my thoughts and relax in front of the television watching either a mindless comedy or a popular drama.